Try to figure out why they’re ignoring you. Depending on the situation, this may be pretty obvious. If you’ve had a huge fight with your wife, for instance, you may know exactly why she’s giving you the cold shoulder. If you aren’t aware of any problems between yourself and the person ignoring you, though, consider if you might have done something to upset them. For instance, maybe you were gossiping about a friend behind their back. Whatever you said could have gotten back to them. If you left someone out of your plans or didn’t return their calls or messages, they might be hurt by your behavior. Let them cool off. Regardless of why you’re being ignored, the worst thing you can do is to constantly hound the person. Don’t send a bunch of messages, call repeatedly, or keep asking them why they’re ignoring you. Give them some time to figure out how they feel and how, or if, they want to get in touch with you.[1] X Research source A single message or call is fine, but don’t send a bunch of texts like, “Why are you ignoring me?” “What did I do wrong?” or “Please talk to me!” Not only will these messages probably annoy the person, but they might also make

you look desperate. It can be really hard to avoid trying to solve the problem immediately. However, you can’t control the other person, so it’s best to just give them some space. Distract yourself with work, school, or hobbies. Trying to figure out why someone is ignoring you, or obsessing over the fact that they are ignoring you, can take up a lot of time and energy. However, it’s not productive and will only make you miserable. Continue with your daily life and activities. Throwing yourself into your job or schoolwork is a productive way to keep from thinking about the problem.[2] X Research source During your free time, spend time doing things you enjoy, whether that’s fishing, baking, playing soccer, woodworking, writing poetry, swimming, knitting, or coding! Spend time with people who care about you. While it can feel really bad to be on the outs with someone important in your life, they’re probably not the only person you enjoy spending time with. Reach out to other friends and family members and ask them to hang out. Take the time to build up your other relationships and spend quality time together.[3] X Research source It’s really important to make sure your

own emotional needs are met, especially when you’re struggling with a relationship that’s important to you. Think about how you’ve reacted to this behavior in the past. If the person has given you the silent treatment before and you’ve given them lots of attention to try to get them to talk to you, they may be trying to get you to do it again.[4] X Research source This is another reason why it’s important to avoid being clingy or begging for their attention—they might be ignoring you just to get you to respond. Reacting this way just shows them that ignoring you will get them what they want, when it’s actually not a healthy way to deal with problems. Reach out to arrange a face-to-face meeting. If you care about the person ignoring you and want to resolve the conflict, you’ll need to address the issue. Speaking in person is better than texting or talking on the phone since you’ll be able to see each other’s facial expressions and determine how genuine each other’s words and actions are.[5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source You can call, text, or even send a note to arrange the meeting.

Try saying something like, “I know that you’re very upset with me and I’d really like to talk about things. Can we meet for coffee at 10am on Saturday?” Try to choose a neutral meeting place so no one has the “home field” advantage. Ask them directly why they’re ignoring you. Now that you’ve gotten the person to agree to talk to you, get to the point. Even if you have a good idea of why they’ve been ignoring you, ask them to explain it from their perspective. You may be surprised at what the issue really is or why they think ignoring you is the right way to handle the problem.[6] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Listen carefully to what they have to say. Avoid being defensive or thinking of a rebuttal while they’re talking. This can be difficult, especially if they’re accusing you of something or think you’re in the wrong. However, do your best to listen to what they’re saying, read between the lines, and really try to see the situation from their side.[7] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Use your body

language to show them that you’re listening by making eye contact and nodding when you understand or agree. Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you need clarification. You can also repeat what they said to make sure you understand. Apologize if you’re in the wrong. If you did something to upset or hurt the other person, take responsibility for your actions. Put your ego aside so you can acknowledge your mistakes and apologize sincerely. Validating their feelings can go a long way toward restoring your relationship.[8] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Say something like, “I’m sorry that I didn’t invite you to girls’ night out, Jen. I can see that I hurt your feelings.” Explain your side of the story. Once the other person has aired their grievances and feels heard, it’s your turn to explain how this conflict affected you. Share your perspective on the situation without pointing the finger at them. Use “I” statements to frame your feelings and don’t forget to tell them how you felt when they ignored you.[9] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National

Institutes of Health Go to source For instance, you might say, “I felt really sad and anxious when you refused to talk to me. I value our friendship and want to make things right.” Come up with a compromise or solution together, if possible. At this point, you probably have a pretty good idea if the relationship can be mended or not. In some cases, an apology might be enough. In others, it may take time and dedication to repair your relationship. Work together to determine what the next steps will be.[10] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source You can each offer solutions and compromise to find one that works for both of you. It’s easy to make promises but harder to follow through. Make sure you’re really willing to do the work it takes to rebuild trust in your relationship, if that’s the issue. Accept that the relationship may not be worth saving. If the person ignoring you does so in order to get you to do something they want (or not do something they don’t want), they’re manipulating you. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you notice that a friend or family member often uses this

type of behavior, especially after you’ve confronted them about it, you may be better off without this person in your life.[11] X Research source Similarly, if you’re just not that invested in the relationship, you may decide that moving on is in your best interest.